Waiting...

I got a new camera guys!!!!! YAY! lol It was only $69.99 at Target and its pink (my fave color) and it came with rechargeable batteries and a batteries charger =) I'm so excited to finally have my own, lol, I always had to borrow my mom's camera and she wouldn't even let me take it out of the house lol. So I'll def be putting way more pictures up!!!

I just bought this book called "The Fashion Book" and Teen Vogue yesterday. The book is 500 of the world's top designers, models, photographers, hair stylist, and make up artist. I figured that if I'm gonna be serious about this whole fashion business I should learn everything I can about the business from every angle. I can't wait to fill my head with all this fashionable knowledge lol, but that's a whole different post.

So my boyfriend (well we're actually on break right now) is going back to Nebraska for school :( this will be his 2nd year there. He leaves August 16th :( I really wish he would go to school here in Minnesota because I miss him so much when he's gone, but I know that if it was me I'd wanna leave too. It's just so hard being in a long distance relationship, I mean I really do want to be with him but I'm beginning to wonder if we're even gonna last. This summer has been really hard on the relationship, like I said we're on a break right now. He says that he wants to be with me but he's so bad at being in a relationship, idk I guess he doesn't know how to show his feelings or stuff like that. He's not a bad guy, he treats me right, he doesn't disrespect me or nethang like that, idk how to explain it, he's just a lil clueless on somethings lol. Idk he says he's not ready right now and that he just needs sometime and I'm gonna wait because I do love him and want to be with him. I'm not gonna wait forever tho, I mean there are billions of dudes out there. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to give him exactly 2 months, lol. I'm not gonna talk to no dudes, just be friends and stay a single girl. If 2 months go by and he hasn't even called or texted me, or shown ne signs of wanting to get bac 2gether then I'm just gonna move on. I'm not going to hook up with the first guy that hollas or nuthin like that, I'm still gonna be waiting to see if he wants to get bac 2gether but well, I'ma have my fun while I'm waitin lol. Man, this is just so wack. I'm not scared of the future or nuthin like that but I wonder what things will be like in the next 5 months.

What do yall think, am I being stupid by seriously waiting for him to get his stuff 2gether? Should I just call it quits and move on? What do yall think I should do about this situation. Does nebody have ne advice on how to have the best long distance relationship without being too clingy?? HELP ME OUT YALL lol

(I'll put some pics on this post later, I have to go start working, lol)

I Just Wanna Be Happy...

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you were still with a certain somebody??

Today I was thinking about my ex because I found out that he is moving to another state and I just couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if I was still with him. I met him through a friend about a little over a year ago. At first I wasn't very interested in him because I had just got out of a relationship before and was just so fed up with guys. I just wanted to take a break. So I wouldn't reply to him messages on Myspace or call him, but he just wouldn't give up. I knew his cousin and a few of his friends and they all told me how much this dude was really fellin me. They said that he always talked about me and said how much he really really liked me, and how much he wanted to get to know me and make me his girl. Well like every girl I was supa flattered by all the nice things he would say to me and I finally decided to just go head and give him a chance. I think that was the best but at the same time worst choice that I ever made in my life. He was the perfect boyfriend, he called like 3 times a day, stopped hanging around people that were bad influences, stopped drinking and smoking, came to see me whenever I asked, and my family loved him. I fell so hard for him, he was my first love. I loved him more than anything in this whole world, and he told me that he loved me even more than I loved him. He was everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. Then out of nowhere he started acting 4real weird, he stopped calling and whenever I did talk to him it would only be for like 5 minutes then he would say "let me call you back"...he never did. Now I was like hold up wait a minute what in the world is going on. He started sayin weird stuff on his Myspace like, "I liked my old life better" and just stuff that was pretty bogus. One day I invited him over to my house for a BBQ and everything was koo at first but then my brothers wanted to play basketball and I asked if he wanted to play with us and he was like no (now just to let yall know, he always played with my lil bros when they asked him to play so this was so not him) So I asked him did he want to go on a walk with me instead because I had planned on asking him what was going on and if he still wanted to be in this relationship, but when we went on the walk he started getting all lovey dovey so I figured maybe he just was having a bad day but he wanted to make it better or something. I started to get suppa suspicious after that so I logged onto his Myspace to see if maybe I could figure out why the sudden change, or if maybe there was someone else. Turns out there was :( So I dumped him with out even an explanation and told him to never talk to me again. I was so heart broken, I believed everything he told me and took it to heart. About a week later he called and swore on everything that he hadn't cheated, even though he told all his friends that he in fact had cheated. You know what he told me, he said "just cause you write something on Myspace don't mean its true, I was just sayin that to be cool" I was so mad at him cause I knew he was lyin but I loved him so much and I decided to give him another chance. Things were never the same. We broke up. We made up. We broke up. We made up. That went on for a whole year. Just recently was I able to finally see that I meant nothing to him, even though he said that I meant the world to him.




I hate that I ever gave him my heart because to me that is something I will never get back. It's like he took my heart from me and wont give it back. I still love and care for him so much, as a friend, but we will never be a couple again and from the looks of it, we wont even be friends ever again. I really wish I could erase him from my memory, or find a guy who could replace those memories with good ones, but I have failed at that attempt. To find a guy who really cares, or maybe it's just that I've been hurt so much that and I cant see that the guy I'm with now really does care and love me.




I think that right now, at this very moment, I am going to let go of all the bad things that guys have done to me. Let go of all the hurt and pain. I'm moving on as a new woman, who is no longer looking for love. No longer waiting for love. Right now...



I just wanna be happy...