Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I Just Wanna Be Happy...

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you were still with a certain somebody??

Today I was thinking about my ex because I found out that he is moving to another state and I just couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if I was still with him. I met him through a friend about a little over a year ago. At first I wasn't very interested in him because I had just got out of a relationship before and was just so fed up with guys. I just wanted to take a break. So I wouldn't reply to him messages on Myspace or call him, but he just wouldn't give up. I knew his cousin and a few of his friends and they all told me how much this dude was really fellin me. They said that he always talked about me and said how much he really really liked me, and how much he wanted to get to know me and make me his girl. Well like every girl I was supa flattered by all the nice things he would say to me and I finally decided to just go head and give him a chance. I think that was the best but at the same time worst choice that I ever made in my life. He was the perfect boyfriend, he called like 3 times a day, stopped hanging around people that were bad influences, stopped drinking and smoking, came to see me whenever I asked, and my family loved him. I fell so hard for him, he was my first love. I loved him more than anything in this whole world, and he told me that he loved me even more than I loved him. He was everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. Then out of nowhere he started acting 4real weird, he stopped calling and whenever I did talk to him it would only be for like 5 minutes then he would say "let me call you back"...he never did. Now I was like hold up wait a minute what in the world is going on. He started sayin weird stuff on his Myspace like, "I liked my old life better" and just stuff that was pretty bogus. One day I invited him over to my house for a BBQ and everything was koo at first but then my brothers wanted to play basketball and I asked if he wanted to play with us and he was like no (now just to let yall know, he always played with my lil bros when they asked him to play so this was so not him) So I asked him did he want to go on a walk with me instead because I had planned on asking him what was going on and if he still wanted to be in this relationship, but when we went on the walk he started getting all lovey dovey so I figured maybe he just was having a bad day but he wanted to make it better or something. I started to get suppa suspicious after that so I logged onto his Myspace to see if maybe I could figure out why the sudden change, or if maybe there was someone else. Turns out there was :( So I dumped him with out even an explanation and told him to never talk to me again. I was so heart broken, I believed everything he told me and took it to heart. About a week later he called and swore on everything that he hadn't cheated, even though he told all his friends that he in fact had cheated. You know what he told me, he said "just cause you write something on Myspace don't mean its true, I was just sayin that to be cool" I was so mad at him cause I knew he was lyin but I loved him so much and I decided to give him another chance. Things were never the same. We broke up. We made up. We broke up. We made up. That went on for a whole year. Just recently was I able to finally see that I meant nothing to him, even though he said that I meant the world to him.

I hate that I ever gave him my heart because to me that is something I will never get back. It's like he took my heart from me and wont give it back. I still love and care for him so much, as a friend, but we will never be a couple again and from the looks of it, we wont even be friends ever again. I really wish I could erase him from my memory, or find a guy who could replace those memories with good ones, but I have failed at that attempt. To find a guy who really cares, or maybe it's just that I've been hurt so much that and I cant see that the guy I'm with now really does care and love me.

I think that right now, at this very moment, I am going to let go of all the bad things that guys have done to me. Let go of all the hurt and pain. I'm moving on as a new woman, who is no longer looking for love. No longer waiting for love. Right now...

I just wanna be happy...


  1. thats deep :( i was etertained from beginning to the end, wow!

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  2. This was real as hell. Girl

    I will do the same thanks!i been there before.

    Check out my blog, it has some great relationship advice.

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  4. I seperated my blogs of clothing designs and now im making other labels, so check my space pace and my owl express line, i also made two designs to start off so go check it out, thanks for the support. :)

  5. awh....yes.

    I think about how things would be if I were still with the father of my oldest child. We met in high school. I was around your age. We were really in love. We moved in together and had what onlookers would probably think was the best life, relationship, family...what have you...but were too young, plus, he was White and I was slowly becoming a "militant" Black chic. We grew apart but as I got older I realized he was a really great guy and he dealt with a lot of my immaturity b/c he knew I wasn't ready yet...

    i hate when you feel like you cant trust a guy you love
    & you wanna trust him soo much
    then facebook or myspace ruins it all
    & then its just done like that
    i did the same thing, gave the guy another chance
    now were not together
    but we were 2gether for my freshman & sophmore year & i still think about him all the time
    his family loves me to death
    & i always wonder if he thinks of me ..

  7. Just concentrate on you, and like you said, being happy. That's definitly possible without a man! But when you do want that companionship, you'll find a great one again, worthy of your trust. I'm sure there is hope for the male species!

  8. i definitely know how u feel about this seems like most of my relationship problems come from me snoopin around on fb and myspace...sometimes i feel like i have to snoop around behind his back just to find out information...i think i'm gonna blog about that lol but yea, i can feel u on wishin the pain would all go away..i know it hurts, but just give it time..

  9. ....&& sometimes "LOVE" will bring HELL to your Fantasy of HEAVEN!....i learned that lesson a long time ago & yess, the truth is Love hurts, but it also's the greatest, most beautiful oxymoron there is & even happiness is lost without it!!! So yep, do you: Love, live...& BE HAPPY! :)